Can you believe that we are days away from Thanksgiving? Christmas is next month and we are going to be in 2020 shortly. We have made a lot of progress this year with our boundaries, allowing God to uproot our lives and removing toxic people from our lives. So now, I am going to take a moment to discuss ways to guard our hearts during the holiday season and beyond. I am not standing on a soap box telling you what to do. I am applying these guidelines to my heart also as a single woman. These guidelines are suggestions and have worked for me in my life this year.
- Keep Closed Doors Closed: If you and an ex mate or friend are no longer associated, keep the door closed. I am a believer in happy endings but you must be very careful with opening closed doors. Heartbreak a second or third time is so much more painful than the first time.
- Keep Things Light: When you are getting to know someone new, you should keep things light. If someone begins to talk about marriage and other long term plans, that is not healthy. If you want to make sure your relationship motives are the same, that is one thing. If you are discussing your wedding invite list on the first date, that is not normal or healthy.
- Organic Connections: Your connections should grow naturally. When you plant a seed, the plant will grow little by little. The same is true of our associations with others. As we are getting to know one another in a relationship or friendship, it will grow naturally. There is nothing that is forced but it is natural growth. This is done so your new friendship or relationship’s foundation will be strong and unshakable.
- Boundaries: I cannot express the importance of boundaries. You cannot give up who you are for a relationship or friendship. Your relationship should enhance who you are and you should be enhancing your mate. As goal-oriented people, we should continue our healthy lifestyle. If you do not know who you are or you are conforming to walking on eggshells, then you are setting yourself up for a failed relationship or friendship. Who you are deep down inside will come up and cause a future conflict.
- Compromise: There are no two people who are alike. So, there will be compromise between the two people in a friendship or relationship. You should never compromise who you are for a friendship or relationship. I know from firsthand experience the pain of compromising my standards to be in friendship with someone. I stopped braiding my hair, traveling and more to please someone else. Then I realized I was in so much pain because I stopped being who I was to please someone else.
Have a great time dating and creating new friendships. I am excited about closing 2019 healed with new people in our circle for 2020. Happy Thanksgiving!