As we continue our push to finish 2019 strong, we need do discuss toxic people. The reason we may be delayed or stopped in our progress maybe the people around us. For our purposes, I will define toxic people as those who contaminate your realm and all aspects of your life. I used to think that toxic people were only in intimate relationships.
That is not true. You can have a toxic family member, friend, coworker, church member, neighbor and so on. The toxicity does not have to be violent or excessive. You have to value yourself enough to know your boundaries and worth to be willing to prune toxic people out of your life. So, let’s take a moment to dig a little deeper.
- Heartache and Pain: We all have different things that cause us pain. If someone continues to cause you heartache and pain, this person is toxic. You may not realize it but you will become so wrapped up in protecting yourself from your pain that it will spill into other aspects of your life.
- Boundaries: We must decide to preserve ourselves. Boundaries allow us guard ourselves from being trampled by life. If you decide to put your phone on do not disturb for a few hours, that is your business. It is your phone and you should decide what you need for balance. If someone questions or infringes on your boundaries on a regular basis, that person is toxic. You have the right to say no. Self-care is not selfish but is essential to living a healthy life.
- Codependency: My definition of codependency is when two people depend on each other in a very unhealthy way. This is a severe case of being toxic. Usually one party is benefiting a great deal without a care in the world. Meanwhile, the other party is drained and depleted emotionally, spiritually, physically and has no boundaries. I used to be very codependent years ago. When I made changes, I was criticized by those who had the most to lose by my enlightenment. I would encourage you to examine if your association has signs of codependency. The book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie will change your life. Embed from Getty Images
- Negativity: If someone who is close to you has nothing good to say about you, that person is toxic. There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism or correction done in love. When everything you do, say or think is met with negativity, you are not the problem. The people the closest to you should never kick you when you are down or speak against you all the time. Words do hurt especially when they come from some who says they love us.
- Abuse: If you are being physically, verbally, emotionally, sexually or mentally abused, it unacceptable. The first occurrence makes it unacceptable. You have the right to speak up and get the help you need. You are not at fault. You do not do anything to bring on or cause the abuse. Abuse should never have any place in any association with anyone. If you are being abused, please get help.
Toxic people can destroy our lives. If you are the toxic person, you can still change. The first step is admitting you have a problem. After that proceed on your journey of healing. If you have toxic people in your life, please say something in love to them if possible. If your association is too toxic or damaged, then take the necessary steps to walk away. You may walk away for a season or for a lifetime. All of us are on this journey called life. We are expected to treat each other with the upmost respect. My hope and prayer is that you will live a life free of anyone or anything that is toxic.