Dating Untangled: Guard Your Heart


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We just finished Thanksgiving and now Christmas is less than a month away. This is a beautiful time of year. I am a believer in love and miracles. However, the beauty of this time of year tends to be the time that your past can sneak up on you and become front and center again. What am I talking about? You know the ex or friend you only hear from during this time of year? The one who thinks that a few texts before Christmas will win you back? Well let us explore how to guard our hearts and make sure that we enjoy the season with the people who invest in us year round.

  1. Be Honest: Why are you and your ex mate or friend no longer in a relationship or friendship? There was a reason. Although, I am a believer in reconciliation you have to search your heart. Also, you need to make sure that you tread slowly. A second or third breakup is worse than an initial one. Do not let the beauty of the season make you forget or neglect reality. Click here to read my article about leaving your past behind.
  2. Love is reciprocal: If you are in love with someone, the feeling should be mutual. You should hear the words “I love you” on a regular basis. You should be spending time with one another. Love is unconditional. If you are in love with someone and that person does not feel the same after a while, you should take a step back and review your relationship. Click here to read my article about rewriting your story.
  3. Don’t be a Placeholder: I define a placeholder as a person who is used to pass time until the first choice is available. If do not want a real relationship, be honest. Also, if you want a real relationship, be honest about that too. A friend with benefits or  FWB  is not a relationship.  You deserve better than being someone’s distraction until they get their first choice.
  4. Commitment: If you want a commitment, say so. If your mate has no intention of taking your relationship to the next level, you need to have a discussion. Talking to everyone but your mate about it is not going to help because no one but your mate can commit to you. Also, if your relationship is new, allow time for the relationship to develop naturally.
  5. Boundaries: I wrote an article about boundaries and you can see it by clicking here. You have a right to guard your heart, finances, time and so on. Everyone is not entitled to be graced by your presence. Having said that, please be careful with how you spend your time, talent and treasure. You are the prize. If you have recently reconciled with someone or your relationship is new or old, you can create boundaries.
  6. Date Yourself: The holidays does not mean you have to be in a relationship. You can date yourself. I think it is better to single and full of joy versus being in a miserable relationship. You are not sure how to date yourself? Click here for more details. Yes, you can also buy yourself gifts and wrap them to open on Christmas day.
  7. You are the prize: No matter what is occurring in your life right now, I want you to know that you are the prize. It is a privilege to be in your presence. You may not be all you want to be yet but you are a great person. Anyone who cannot appreciate you and your greatness, does not deserve anything from you. This includes your time, money, advice, talents, presence and the list goes on. Always remember, you are the prize.

I hope that you celebrate and enjoy this season. I hope you will take a moment to listen to Christmas music, eat seasonal foods, attend holiday events, wear ugly sweaters, cook and bake holiday dishes, spend time with loved ones and more. I hope that you will witness miracles and the mending and repairing of friendships and relationships. Here is to a happy season full of joy!

Published by Ada Orie

I am a Nigerian-American Christian woman based in Baltimore who writes about Christianity, dating, food, friendships and more. My goal is to provide a free and safe place where people can express themselves while learning from one another. Thank you for checking out my blog. I look forward to learning from you.

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