Dating Untangled: FWB is Fake News!

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Let’s have a heart to heart. If you and someone else mutually decide to do a no strings attached relationship, that is fine as long as you are in agreement. I am totally against these type of arrangements because we are emotional beings and it is natural when two people are physically, emotionally and spiritually  involved for someone to develop feelings. I am going to get to the point: Friends with benefits or FWB is not a relationship or even a friendship. One person is using the other person. So one person provides the benefits and the other takes the benefits. Let’s discuss some of the symptoms of this so-called arrangement.

  1. Communication: One person is always the initiator.  This person has to remind the other person about their existence. They sacrifice sleep and time to make sure they communicate with this person. The other person reads their messages and takes their sweet time getting back to the other person if they even bother to do so. This person feels entitled to get the other person’s time.
  2. Free Talents: Why should you provide any of your talents for free to someone who does not return the favor or decides to tell you every error of your talent? Have you met the person who is an expert in everything except for the common sense things like treating other people with respect?  If you charge your family and friends for your  talents, why should that person get the nonexistent “FWB” discount?
  3. Money: One person is the provider. This person spends their money on gifts, meals and more to entice this person. One person spends their time driving and providing rides. The other person just sits back and accepts these gifts, meals and more without the intention of reciprocating the same. Again, this person feels entitled to be treated like this.
  4. Time: One person keeps themselves on call for the other person. This person calls or shows up without notice, they drop everything to accommodate them. The other person is like a celebrity. They have such a closed off schedule, you cannot even inconvenience them with a an unplanned text or phone call.
  5. Friendship: One person shares the ups and downs of their day, personal details and more. They remember dates such as birthdays and more. The other person is secretive but not only listens to the personal life of the other person but repeats these details to their true friends. They expect to be celebrated but never celebrate the other person.  True friends being the people they make time for and never send to voicemail. The people who do not have to give anything to be in friendship like them.

So here are some things to remember. It is a privilege to be in your presence. You do not have to allow every person, place or thing into your realm. Everyone does not have to stay in your phone or on your social media lists. You can delete people out of your cloud. It is not because you are bitter but you value yourself enough to remove people, places and things that do not respect you or your realm. You are priceless. You deserve to be cherished. You do not have to be mistreated to be associated with anyone. I know the difference between being used and cherished. I can tell from first hand experience, it is worth your time and sanity to purge and prune your life of people, place or things who use you. Enjoy your peaceful and priceless realm.

 

Published by Ada Orie

I am a Nigerian-American Christian woman based in Baltimore who writes about Christianity, dating, food, friendships and more. My goal is to provide a free and safe place where people can express themselves while learning from one another. Thank you for checking out my blog. I look forward to learning from you.

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