Dating Untangled: You are NOT in a Relationship!

woman and man sitting on brown wooden bench
Photo by Vera Arsic on

Let’s do a reality check. You are investing a lot of time, money and more into someone who is not just a friend.  You are not only attracted to this person but you are planning your life and future around this person. The only problem is your feelings are not reciprocated. Let’s take a moment to be honest with ourselves. We deserve the best that life has to offer.

  1. Money Money Money!: If the only time you hear from someone  is when they need money, you are not in a relationship. You are not a human ATM, you are a human being who should be cherished at all times.  Emergencies happen but that should not be the foundation of your association with someone.  If so, you are not in a relationship.
  2. Would you be my Lyft or Uber? If the only time you hear from someone is when they need a ride somewhere, you are not in a relationship. Lyft and Uber specialize in giving rides to people. You should not be going out of your way to give a ride to someone who only calls you for that reason. If so, you are not in a relationship.
  3. Feed me: So you and your so-called mate go out for a meal and  you always pick up the tab. You do not know you are picking up the tab until the check comes. You have heard every excuse in the book such as I forgot my wallet or purse, I had a financial emergency, something is wrong with my bank account and so on. If you are only called upon to pay for meals, you are not in a relationship.
  4. Memorized Voicemail: If you are always sent to voicemail when you call your so-called mate, you are not in a relationship. No one is 100% available but if you get voicemail 95% of the time, that is not cool and actually does not make any sense.
  5. Text me baby: You should be able to hear the voice of your mate or at least see them via video chat. If your relationship is build on texting or messaging only, you are pen pals. You are not in a relationship. You need to hear the emotion of your mate and they need to hear you.
  6. What about your friends? If you have not met anyone in your mate’s circle, you are not in a relationship. I am not talking about two people getting to know one another. I am talking about when you have become exclusive and a couple. You should have met someone or some people in your mate’s inner circle.
  7. No strings attached: If you are being intimate with someone without the benefit of being seen in public with the person or being able to call the person when you please, then you are not a relationship. Sometimes, we can mistake the intimacy of our actions as being equal to a relationship.
  8. No Time: If your so-called mate has no time for you, you are not in a relationship. There are seasons of being busy but if you have not seen or talked to your mate in months, you are not in a relationship.

You deserve more than being used by someone. You deserve to experience the fullness of a real relationship. You call someone and they call you back. You hear ” I love You” or “You are worth it” because someone means it. You spend  the holidays with someone. You are seen in public with someone without emptying your savings.  Love is beautiful and you deserve it.

Published by Ada Orie

I am a Nigerian-American Christian woman based in Baltimore who writes about Christianity, dating, food, friendships and more. My goal is to provide a free and safe place where people can express themselves while learning from one another. Thank you for checking out my blog. I look forward to learning from you.

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