Dating Untangled: Leave the Past Behind!

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So you have decided to start dating or take a break? Whatever you have decided, I applaud you. Making a decision is always the first step toward living a fulfilled life. Sometimes when making a decision, we can be full of regret, pity and/or even self-dislike. Everything happens a reason and no one is 100% at fault. I know what it is like to make a transition and the first thing that happens is I begin to have flashbacks of the whole situation. The first question I pose to myself “What could I have done differently?”. Living in the past will not change it. There is no reason to have flashbacks and stay in the past. We have to make a decision to move forward.

Moving forward includes deciding if you need to permanently and temporarily remove some people from your life. Removing someone does not mean you are wishing them ill but sometimes the people the closest to us will sabotage our true purpose and best life.  You cannot keep excusing behavior that is detrimental to your atmosphere. Next, you may want to consider adding people (gradually) to your life. If you are trying to doing something brand new or need encouragement, adding people who have been where you have been or have certain connections will not only increase your network but also will strengthen it.  Next, you should consider evaluating what did or did not work. I did not say have a pity party.  When you evaluate a closed chapter, it allows you to learn valuable lessons without repeating the same mistake again.

Also, do not use the lens of the past to judge what happens now. A bad relationship does not mean you should judge every potential new mate by your ex. It is not fair to a new person. Also, forgiveness is a process. You do not have to forgive right away. If you forgive right away, you will revisit the issue again. Take your time working through your emotions but let the other person off the hook. If you hold on to unforgiveness forever, it will start to impact other aspects of your life. You are going to come out stronger on the other side things. I want the very best for you and I am excited for you.

Published by Ada Orie

I am a Nigerian-American Christian woman based in Baltimore who writes about Christianity, dating, food, friendships and more. My goal is to provide a free and safe place where people can express themselves while learning from one another. Thank you for checking out my blog. I look forward to learning from you.

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